Do We Choose When We Die?

Barbara Karnes

Dear Barbara, my mother suffered from dementia. She passed away in 2019. I was at her side and saw her take her last breath. Does a person with dementia know that she is dying? Neither of my sisters made it over before she died but I believe that she waited for them until the last minute.

You asked if I think your mother waited for your sisters to arrive before she died even though she had dementia. Yes, I do believe a person has some limited control over the time that they die, even if they have dementia.

If you are present with a person at the moment they take their last breath, you are there because they wanted you there. If you are not there, just missed the moment, tried to be there but weren’t, that was a choice also. Generally, it is a choice of love and protection. For some reason the dying person thought it would be better if you weren’t there. Being there and not being there are both gifts.

I believe we are more than our physical body, that there is a “driver” to this vehicle we call our body. It is the “driver” that has control beyond the physical. The “driver” does not have dementia, so the “driver” is aware.

Know that the driver is working very hard to release from a non-functioning body. I do not believe what we would think of as “normal thoughts” are going through the person’s mind, whether they have dementia or not.

Read Full Article